Post by varrtan on Nov 29, 2009 1:41:29 GMT -5
My usual topic, sort of:
I was raped when I was a teen and it has shaped some of my opinions. About a month ago a 15 year old girl was gang raped outside of Richmond Highschool in California, on a bench in the yard, during the prom, while (supposedly) bystanders took pictures with their cell phones and yelled insults at her.
The rape supposedly went on for hours until some rare person decided they should tell the police. The rape started after the girl hung out drinking brandy with some guys, supposedly.
So, what is to be learned?
I don't actually know what happened. And, so my thoughts might not apply to what really happened. But, I can compare it to my highschool days. And, this is really about rape, gender roles and social hierarchy in general.
About social hierarchy:
Rape is natural within the social hierarchy that nearly everyone embraces. It's simple brutality against weaker members of the group, like that that is mostly condoned by society. Except it involves sex and delicate girls. If it were a guy that had been raped, the outrage would be completely different.
When I was in highschool, most of the people I knew had superficial friendships based on struggling for a position in the hierarchy within the school. Outside of that, to some extent, were the few nerds and freaks who wouldn't take part in such idiocy, in such an obvious form.
If one of those upwardly mobile students got raped by some of the other upwardly mobile students, I wouldn't be surprised. Because, they don't really give a shit about each other. And, I would not waste my breath telling the boys to have more respect for women, or to tell the girls to be more cautious around boys. How about: Don't hang out with assholes who don't give a shit about you, in hopes of advancing your status among the cool kids?
So, while we urge our children to embrace the social hierarchy, and to do nearly anything to be accepted, when one kid hurts another kid we suddenly have a moment of partial sanity and scold them for bowing to peer pressure...
Our entire society is about peer pressure! Kids who would rape, or haze or bully grow up to be the executives that govern us through out the rest of our lives. They are the politicians, the mercenaries, the bankers, the police officers, the judges, the advertisers, the school boards, and the talking heads on TV. They are the same people the adults train their children to worship.
About gender roles:
I don't think that rape of women by men can be blamed on images of young girls dressed in sexy clothes or the other sexual imagery on TV and elsewhere. A dress, a blouse, little flower prints, all of those things are hyper-sexualized anyway.
A girl dressed like a flower is expressing something sexual. It's hinting at her flower parts. On the other extreme, a women in a wet t-shirt contest is no more deserving of rape.
I think the real problem is the passive female/aggressive male role playing that society demands. Xev/Zev are aggressive and sexual, and I think are not an unreasonable approximation of a role model. As long as they are actually expressing their own sexuality and not just what a man would be attracted to.
The opinion I have often heard, especially from women, is that men are awful for expressing their lust and women should instead be allowed to walk around in their flower costumes unmolested. Or, really, young girls should be pressured to where costumes that make them look delicate and hinting at, but coyly denying sex. This would express that women are the keepers of the sex. They are a kind of mysterious puzzle. Men are to be good boys and try to find the secret combination that grants them access to the sex.
While that is a nice game that is probably a deep part of my genetic memory, I think this is really the same dynamic that is fertile ground in which rape can occur. When men and women address themselves lucidly, I think it is healthy for the woman not be sexually passive. When courtship starts, then the games start.
Of course, most interactions between people are not so lucid, and would not allow such honesty. And people don't become comfortable with an idea simply by reasoning about it.
I'm not saying that parents should tell their daughters to act more sexually aggressive... I'm also not saying that a women who doesn't feel particularly sexual should intentionally express sexuality, or that their expression should be the same as what men are typically excited by.
My opinion is that the phenomenon of male sexual violence is not properly addressed by futilely clinging to the traditional gender roles.
I was raped when I was a teen and it has shaped some of my opinions. About a month ago a 15 year old girl was gang raped outside of Richmond Highschool in California, on a bench in the yard, during the prom, while (supposedly) bystanders took pictures with their cell phones and yelled insults at her.
The rape supposedly went on for hours until some rare person decided they should tell the police. The rape started after the girl hung out drinking brandy with some guys, supposedly.
So, what is to be learned?
I don't actually know what happened. And, so my thoughts might not apply to what really happened. But, I can compare it to my highschool days. And, this is really about rape, gender roles and social hierarchy in general.
About social hierarchy:
Rape is natural within the social hierarchy that nearly everyone embraces. It's simple brutality against weaker members of the group, like that that is mostly condoned by society. Except it involves sex and delicate girls. If it were a guy that had been raped, the outrage would be completely different.
When I was in highschool, most of the people I knew had superficial friendships based on struggling for a position in the hierarchy within the school. Outside of that, to some extent, were the few nerds and freaks who wouldn't take part in such idiocy, in such an obvious form.
If one of those upwardly mobile students got raped by some of the other upwardly mobile students, I wouldn't be surprised. Because, they don't really give a shit about each other. And, I would not waste my breath telling the boys to have more respect for women, or to tell the girls to be more cautious around boys. How about: Don't hang out with assholes who don't give a shit about you, in hopes of advancing your status among the cool kids?
So, while we urge our children to embrace the social hierarchy, and to do nearly anything to be accepted, when one kid hurts another kid we suddenly have a moment of partial sanity and scold them for bowing to peer pressure...
Our entire society is about peer pressure! Kids who would rape, or haze or bully grow up to be the executives that govern us through out the rest of our lives. They are the politicians, the mercenaries, the bankers, the police officers, the judges, the advertisers, the school boards, and the talking heads on TV. They are the same people the adults train their children to worship.
About gender roles:
I don't think that rape of women by men can be blamed on images of young girls dressed in sexy clothes or the other sexual imagery on TV and elsewhere. A dress, a blouse, little flower prints, all of those things are hyper-sexualized anyway.
A girl dressed like a flower is expressing something sexual. It's hinting at her flower parts. On the other extreme, a women in a wet t-shirt contest is no more deserving of rape.
I think the real problem is the passive female/aggressive male role playing that society demands. Xev/Zev are aggressive and sexual, and I think are not an unreasonable approximation of a role model. As long as they are actually expressing their own sexuality and not just what a man would be attracted to.
The opinion I have often heard, especially from women, is that men are awful for expressing their lust and women should instead be allowed to walk around in their flower costumes unmolested. Or, really, young girls should be pressured to where costumes that make them look delicate and hinting at, but coyly denying sex. This would express that women are the keepers of the sex. They are a kind of mysterious puzzle. Men are to be good boys and try to find the secret combination that grants them access to the sex.
While that is a nice game that is probably a deep part of my genetic memory, I think this is really the same dynamic that is fertile ground in which rape can occur. When men and women address themselves lucidly, I think it is healthy for the woman not be sexually passive. When courtship starts, then the games start.
Of course, most interactions between people are not so lucid, and would not allow such honesty. And people don't become comfortable with an idea simply by reasoning about it.
I'm not saying that parents should tell their daughters to act more sexually aggressive... I'm also not saying that a women who doesn't feel particularly sexual should intentionally express sexuality, or that their expression should be the same as what men are typically excited by.
My opinion is that the phenomenon of male sexual violence is not properly addressed by futilely clinging to the traditional gender roles.